i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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