Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I will be naked everywhere
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
