You're so nebulous sometimes
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize