Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
