But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
