fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
