i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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