we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
