I just threw up on my dentist
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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