i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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