Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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