Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
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