The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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