the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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