We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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