If that was your dad, he is hot
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
