): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
