Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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