ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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