I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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