What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
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The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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