I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
