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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
