Swine flu. Run for my life!
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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