Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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