Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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