gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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