He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
