And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
