totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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