Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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