She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
