I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
