I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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