dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
