Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize