I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
