Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
