What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
