he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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