do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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