I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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