hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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