somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
