great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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