Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize