Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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