I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
