I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
