the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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