Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
