This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
