I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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