swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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