I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
