I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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