You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I can't turn off my feet"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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