Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
