This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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