why didn't you poke me back
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
