my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I deserve this hangover.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
