her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
