Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
