i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
