im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
