he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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