Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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