Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
