So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
